When your spouse is acting like a 12 year old boy! And all you want is an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Saturday night we had guests over. My husband of 20 years, 6’3″ 220lb all stature, turned into a little school boy, afraid of his own shadow. I had no idea after all these years of being together, that his social fears would come out like a tennis racket strings shattering in mid stroke. Of all the things that one would describe my husband, being meek or shy he is not. His norm is walking into a room and the crowd, shouts F@%ddy! The guys gather around him like a pied piper, women say their hellos, and never flirt. He’s that guy, until this past Saturday night.

I reflect a bit on this evening and think to myself, most of our ‘group of friends’ are his friends. Especially in large, planned out parties. I take note of this as my college friends, some he knows, and others he is meeting for the very first time, enter our home with the ring of the bell. Couples, and friends from my 20s and late teens, to me it feels like an old episode of FRIENDS. I am Monica, he is Tom Seleck’s character Richard the Dentist (people have even said that we look like them). Ironic as I am wondering about how that Richard would have handled Monica’s friends.

I want to catch up and not babysit my 12 year old husband. Though I feel at a loss for his youthful retreat. I ask the crowd to move to the family room, only a few feet away from where we were conversing in the kitchen, and couldn’t budge them. Why was this guy, my Tom Seleck acting like he didn’t belong in my past?

We are 7 years apart this is fact and part of fiction of the original Monica and Richard or a bit more years separate them if I remember correctly. When I was in junior high,  F@%ddy was in college. When I was in college, he was married to his first wife with a new baby. Did the age difference really make this evening of FRIENDS a disaster?

Could it be our lives only intersect when he feels most at home?  Even in our home, I couldn’t budge him off the chair to get to know my new-old FRIENDS. My Joey, Rachel, and Chandler were in the house, yet as FRIENDS the connections never happened with F@%ddy. The episode of Richard and Monica hanging with Monica’s friends didn’t really happen in my lost memory either. So why was this modern day Monica so frustrated with Richard?  Does the past need to stay there with old boyfriends, love letters, scrapbooks and photos from fraternity dances? Or does my Richard today, need to get off his seat and pretend for a few hours that he can relate to my past without jeopardizing  our future? Of course I will never say anything to him, it is only here that I vent.

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Teenagers really know it all!?

I remember all to well, thinking I knew it all when I was between 16-21, invisible, indestructible and a know it all! Now as a parent, my memories are more clear of my own stupid choices, I see it through my own kids actions. And yet there is nothing we can say, or do to change them. Consequences are truly the only thing that will teach them otherwise, sad to know that poor actions/consequences are the only way teens learn from.

I have raised two sons, both are smart, kind and caring. And yet one digs a deeper hole when he falls. He gets out and makes it through stronger and tougher, but why does he or other teens have to fall at all? Will this make him a better, more adjusted adult? Or will he and others soon to be young adults faltering always? I hope not, and knowing my kid, he learns hard and shines through. Just wish he wouldn’t make the mistakes in the first place. Being a mom is a tough road to ride on sometimes, but the joy far outweighs the holes!


Girls with mask